Wednesday, November 25, 2009
pass!!
♥
because of you..
♥
memories
♥
smartie shi
♥
distractions
♥
feelings
♥
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
kangyyy!
♥
i just want you to know..
♥
shhhh..
♥
weight=/
♥
pass!!
1 more hour left. sheesh. i feel kind of unprepared. hopefully i'll still be able to scrap a pass.
because of you..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRlNj8RX_-s
i had always believed in love and romance. i believed that fairytales do exist in reality. despite all that was happening around me, i held on tight to that belief. i rather naively believed that in my life, there would just be this one guy who would fall for me. no one else but him alone. a guy who's perfect in my eyes. someone who loves me deeply, for who i am. his love would truly touch my soul. i would fall head over heels in love with him. yup we would face some challenges along the way, but our true love would conquer it all. and we would live happily ever after..
but experiences in life begin to show me that a guy may seem to love you deeply.. but that's it. he only seems to. he doesnt really love you. all the sweet words, they aint true. time just begin to show it. i thought i had learn a lesson, and it was enough. but life begin to show me that love may not be reciprocated. that love by itself aint self-sufficient. that i kant love someone just on the basis that he loves me. and i thought that was it. but life continued showing me how forever and ever aint really true. people change with time. our feelings towards one another changes. who we are changes. sometimes divorces and break-ups are inevitable. that what started out as love could end up in hatred and bitterness. that holding on aint going to make things any better. reality broke the perfect picture i had painted. it all seems to be slipping away. its easy to brush it off as exceptions when such occurrence are far off from you. but when its happening to you, when it manifests itself so strongly in your life, when it hits you right it the face again and again.. you kant lie to yourself anymore. the fantasy just crumbles and you find yourself staring straight into the face of harsh reality.
right now these things that i have learnt seem so obvious. i guess i was blinded. i was stupid naive and foolish.
and i guess a part of me still am. the idealist in me still believes that one day i will find it, a genuine true love that lasts till eternity. that all that had happened, all that i see, is only there to make the fairytale more complete. that all of these exist only to make our love more beautiful. that you and only you alone holds the key to my heart. and the fact that ppl have tried yet failed to unlock my heart, to break down these walls i have built, would only make your victory sweeter. and the fact that forever and ever is hard to come by will teach us to cherish our love for each other. and at the end of the day we would still live happily ever after..
i'll wait for that. for i know that i would not be able to settle for anything else. its all or nothing at all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yJqDTSufBE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqSErb4T7k8
you dont know how much i treasure the times you were here for me.. i was so elated when you said you would come. it touched me at the slightest indication that you were concerned about my future. in the midst of my sickness, i found joy in the care that you showed. you came home just to fetch me to school. how for a change, you are not asking me for my grades before my exams, or asking me how's my preparation for my exams during my holidays. the few calls you made. the few conversations we had. those moments were so brief yet deeply etched in my memory.
you'll never know how much it hurts when you leave.. when you let me down again and again. when it seems like you just dont care. when i aint supposed to talk to you. when i'm supposed to hate you and forbade to love you. when you were supposed to be there but you werent. when i witness how you are tearing everything down. how it irks me seeing others take for granted that which i deeply yearn for.
if you have been wondering all along. if you have been making guesses which needed confirmation. it should be clear now.
"i'm waiting for the good lord to make me feel better"
in the midst of darkness, the light shines the brightest..
i'm still hoping. hoping for a miracle to turn it all around.
i had always believed in love and romance. i believed that fairytales do exist in reality. despite all that was happening around me, i held on tight to that belief. i rather naively believed that in my life, there would just be this one guy who would fall for me. no one else but him alone. a guy who's perfect in my eyes. someone who loves me deeply, for who i am. his love would truly touch my soul. i would fall head over heels in love with him. yup we would face some challenges along the way, but our true love would conquer it all. and we would live happily ever after..
but experiences in life begin to show me that a guy may seem to love you deeply.. but that's it. he only seems to. he doesnt really love you. all the sweet words, they aint true. time just begin to show it. i thought i had learn a lesson, and it was enough. but life begin to show me that love may not be reciprocated. that love by itself aint self-sufficient. that i kant love someone just on the basis that he loves me. and i thought that was it. but life continued showing me how forever and ever aint really true. people change with time. our feelings towards one another changes. who we are changes. sometimes divorces and break-ups are inevitable. that what started out as love could end up in hatred and bitterness. that holding on aint going to make things any better. reality broke the perfect picture i had painted. it all seems to be slipping away. its easy to brush it off as exceptions when such occurrence are far off from you. but when its happening to you, when it manifests itself so strongly in your life, when it hits you right it the face again and again.. you kant lie to yourself anymore. the fantasy just crumbles and you find yourself staring straight into the face of harsh reality.
right now these things that i have learnt seem so obvious. i guess i was blinded. i was stupid naive and foolish.
and i guess a part of me still am. the idealist in me still believes that one day i will find it, a genuine true love that lasts till eternity. that all that had happened, all that i see, is only there to make the fairytale more complete. that all of these exist only to make our love more beautiful. that you and only you alone holds the key to my heart. and the fact that ppl have tried yet failed to unlock my heart, to break down these walls i have built, would only make your victory sweeter. and the fact that forever and ever is hard to come by will teach us to cherish our love for each other. and at the end of the day we would still live happily ever after..
i'll wait for that. for i know that i would not be able to settle for anything else. its all or nothing at all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yJqDTSufBE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqSErb4T7k8
you dont know how much i treasure the times you were here for me.. i was so elated when you said you would come. it touched me at the slightest indication that you were concerned about my future. in the midst of my sickness, i found joy in the care that you showed. you came home just to fetch me to school. how for a change, you are not asking me for my grades before my exams, or asking me how's my preparation for my exams during my holidays. the few calls you made. the few conversations we had. those moments were so brief yet deeply etched in my memory.
you'll never know how much it hurts when you leave.. when you let me down again and again. when it seems like you just dont care. when i aint supposed to talk to you. when i'm supposed to hate you and forbade to love you. when you were supposed to be there but you werent. when i witness how you are tearing everything down. how it irks me seeing others take for granted that which i deeply yearn for.
if you have been wondering all along. if you have been making guesses which needed confirmation. it should be clear now.
"i'm waiting for the good lord to make me feel better"
in the midst of darkness, the light shines the brightest..
i'm still hoping. hoping for a miracle to turn it all around.
memories
my harddisk dont seem to be working!=(
memories. they are kind of precious to me. it's sad that i have lost so much of them.
but then again, we are constantly creating new ones aint we(:
memories. they are kind of precious to me. it's sad that i have lost so much of them.
but then again, we are constantly creating new ones aint we(:
smartie shi
it's 620 in the morning and i'm awake. to study. i aint somenone to burn midnight oil, the only time i really did that was the week before promos. and even then i made up for it by sleeping in. and here i am with freaking only 4 hours of sleeeeep. well, i still hope to pass h3.
but before i start studying i shall get cute little kangy here and read some encouraging cards and psycho myself that i am as smart as some ppl think i am. hee.
dear elyssa,
god has blessed you with great intelligence, so stop thinking that you are stupid.
with love, angel(:
haha. ok that obviously aint from an angel but self-typed.
sometimes its just hard to believe that i aint a fool. alright i need to refocus and look at the stuff that supports the thesis that i am a smartie. isnt it kind of amazing how others can see the best in you when you just kant see it yourself? alright, maybe that only applies to little me here who has a low level of self-confidence. hee.
but before i start studying i shall get cute little kangy here and read some encouraging cards and psycho myself that i am as smart as some ppl think i am. hee.
dear elyssa,
god has blessed you with great intelligence, so stop thinking that you are stupid.
with love, angel(:
haha. ok that obviously aint from an angel but self-typed.
sometimes its just hard to believe that i aint a fool. alright i need to refocus and look at the stuff that supports the thesis that i am a smartie. isnt it kind of amazing how others can see the best in you when you just kant see it yourself? alright, maybe that only applies to little me here who has a low level of self-confidence. hee.
distractions
it's 140. i have been staring at my notes but nothing gets in. my mind is distracted. forget it.
feelings
i did it. i did what i thought was best. i feel bad. but there are times when you kant let your feelings rule..
i guess that's one thing you have been trying to teach me. times when i couldnt feel you and started faltering. and just when i'm at the edge you would embrace me again and whisper "even though you could not feel me, i have been by your side all along.." you would melt my heart and draw me back to you again. then you would ask "if you no longer feel my presence, if i no longer touch you the way i do, would you turn away?". it took me so long. but now i can finally say, i will still wait for you..
i guess that's one thing you have been trying to teach me. times when i couldnt feel you and started faltering. and just when i'm at the edge you would embrace me again and whisper "even though you could not feel me, i have been by your side all along.." you would melt my heart and draw me back to you again. then you would ask "if you no longer feel my presence, if i no longer touch you the way i do, would you turn away?". it took me so long. but now i can finally say, i will still wait for you..
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
kangyyy!
it's alr 11! *gasp*
i have been slacking the past few hours. time to get back to h3!
shi misses magnum
shi loves cute little kangyyy (a soft toy -.-)
shi loves ryan=D
kangy shall be my motivation to study tonight ^^
can i bring kangy for my exam tmr?
i have been slacking the past few hours. time to get back to h3!
shi misses magnum
shi loves cute little kangyyy (a soft toy -.-)
shi loves ryan=D
kangy shall be my motivation to study tonight ^^
can i bring kangy for my exam tmr?
i just want you to know..
i know you are trying hard to make up for it. but really, that aint something you can make up for. to put it bluntly, whatever you do will never be enough to make up for it. i know you love me. i truly appreciate all that you are doing. i appreciate how you are trying to change. i appreciate your sacrifices. i really do. but no, its not enough. it just isnt and it will never be. simply cos its irreplacable. but i do not blame you for it. and i love you.
shhhh..
there are some stuff i really do not want to talk about. stuff that i dont seem to be able to talk about. stuff that i keep hidden. stuff that sometimes i dont even feel like writing about. sometimes it seems like its cos i have gotten over it all. that i have finally come to terms with it. yet at other times it just seems like i'm just trying to run away from it all. not wanting to face the issue. to hold on to the perfect image i had painted. its really amazing how some songs can bring out these emotions so well. just listening to such songs seem to be an avenue of expression. a way to release these emotions without having to utter a word.
and there are other stuff that i really want to talk to someone about. but which i feel i shouldnt. i hate it when i'm a bitch. these are stuff i dont think i have the right to talk to others about. i have done more than enough damage. i have already been such a bitch. i really shouldnt talk bout it anymore. but i really do not know what to do now. i do not know if what i'm doing is the right thing. nothing i can do about it seems to be right.
and there are other stuff that i really want to talk to someone about. but which i feel i shouldnt. i hate it when i'm a bitch. these are stuff i dont think i have the right to talk to others about. i have done more than enough damage. i have already been such a bitch. i really shouldnt talk bout it anymore. but i really do not know what to do now. i do not know if what i'm doing is the right thing. nothing i can do about it seems to be right.
weight=/
shi is getting a little fat=( no i'm not ano. i know i'm not fat. but its a fact that i'm getting a little fat!=( gained 6kg in 2 years. with no change in height. eeeeee!!! isnt that enough substantiation for my point. i was more concerned over being too skinny then with everyone telling me i'm too skinny. but now i have to fret over getting too fat. eeeeee!!! and dont tell me that i'm being crazy having issues over my weight. cos the fact is that most slim ppl do some times too. i guess i'm fine with my current weight. but i want to lose a little weight. hee. i have been eating a lot since i recovered=/ uh-oh. i should start leading a healthy lifestyle tmr(: i will try to resist the urge to consume sweeet stuff (which i really love ^^) and exercise regularly!
♥ the girl
yishi
elyssa
041291
chc e493n399 e402
rj 6L GE
cedar 1A'04/4P'07 crcy
bhps glory6'03
yishi
elyssa
041291
chc e493
rj 6L GE